Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just pynch a tree in the face
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
