Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
