there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
