Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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