did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
