you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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