My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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