i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
