There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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