I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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