My Higher Power is John Stamos
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
