it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
