You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
