i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
