Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
