there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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