I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize