I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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