Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
