arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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