Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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