Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
