You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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