NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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