Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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