I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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