I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
