I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
