put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
