I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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