If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
