My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed