Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.