Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it

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(773): My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it http://tfl.nu/4cmd

Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (950)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".

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(706): Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe". http://tfl.nu/cnav

Replies (7) Good night (2567) Bad night (805)
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(909): View more from California

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb

Replies (166) Good night (91627) Bad night (4399)
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(847): View more from Illinois

At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

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(847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n

Replies (73) Good night (1271) Bad night (8105)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?

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(617): what date should I let him know how fucked up I am? http://tfl.nu/6aws

Replies (17) Good night (1309) Bad night (4233)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game

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(617): It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/6jkk

Replies (10) Good night (4316) Bad night (1118)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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(413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv

Replies (14) Good night (4001) Bad night (1575)
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(+36): View more from

until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.

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(+36): until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober. http://tfl.nu/a4ay

Replies (4) Good night (2241) Bad night (593)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right

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(910): Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right http://tfl.nu/sp80

Replies (6) Good night (757) Bad night (1195)
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(386): View more from Florida

I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

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(386): I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok http://tfl.nu/xajl

Replies (4) Good night (1283) Bad night (1196)
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(310): View more from California

It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw

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(310): It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw http://tfl.nu/ozdy

Replies (12) Good night (2864) Bad night (614)
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(214): View more from Texas

COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!

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(214): COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!! http://tfl.nu/kzi1

Replies (5) Good night (1166) Bad night (786)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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(202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj

Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (1101)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.

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(312): Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it. http://tfl.nu/okpd

Replies (5) Good night (555) Bad night (337)
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(+49): View more from Germany

She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face

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(+49): She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face http://tfl.nu/bw7v

Replies (1) Good night (320) Bad night (297)

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