omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.