i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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