He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
