im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i will never coherently bang her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize