I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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