Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
