how can u be prego again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize