I'm really into asian looking animals
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to cum in my sink.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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