3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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