Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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