its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
