and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize