dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
