Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
