hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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