i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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