you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
