I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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