I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
