I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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