I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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