Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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