the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
