I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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