I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
