My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
