a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
