make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
