He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
