i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
