When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
