I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
